Missing Him....

Mikey lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. He sighed, turning his head to his right to see his clock display and saw it was 1:37 AM. Geez….I’m tired….I….I just feel…bleah….

He lay there trying to force his body to sleep. He needed it, but his heart ached as he thought of his older brother. Bitter tears filled his eyes as he turned on his side, clutching his pillow to his plastron as he cried silently.

Why won’t he come home? What’s wrong with us?

He soon cried himself to sleep, tossing and turning all night…..

He was running fast….his lungs hurt….they felt like they were about to give up….he gasped, panting as he looked ahead.

Leo!

His heart raced in fear and apprehension, and he pushed himself faster, crying out his brothers name as he saw dark shadows surround him.

He screamed, his nunchakus out and whirling at an incredible speed when he saw a flash of silver, and suddenly the touch of warm blood splashed across his face.

His blue eyes were wide with fear as he heard scorned laughter as he saw his older brother, his eyes wide in pain and shock, a sword sticking out of his side, another deep in his gut.

“Leo!” he cried out, running forward, just about to reach him when he screamed in horror, seeing a Tech Ninja reach for Leo, a sword at his throat.

Mikey threw his nunchakus, running hard and fast, but he couldn’t get closer. He called his brothers name but all he could hear from him was, “M…mikey…s…save…yourself…”

He felt tears building in his eyes as the ninja pulled his mask off, his face still hidden in shadows, before the glint of the silver blade made the sound of a knife slicing easily through flesh, and the gurgling sound of his older brothers throat being gutted open.

He screamed in horror, sobbing as he felt his nunchukus slam into the mans skull as he caught his brother from falling…..

“Leo….Leo….please….Leo…don’t leave me!” Mikey begged, angry and bitter tears fell down his cheeks, a sobbing cry embracing him.

“Y…your strong….you…will survive…” Leo gasped out, blood staining both their bodies.
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He shot up in his bed, his eyes barely opened as he made his way to the familiar room. “L…Leo?” he whispered, before his mind recalled Leo wasn’t there.

I miss you Leo….where are you….why did you have to go? Mikey thought as he stepped inside Leo’s room, breathing in Leo’s scent.

Still smells like him…god….it’s been so long

Mikey looked around, feeling a few tears fall down his cheeks, one hand hurriedly wiping them away. There was no Leo here to comfort him.

Where are you bro?....Are you safe? Do you miss home…. because home certainly misses you…

Mikey didn’t stop the tears that fell this time, the ache in his heart throbbed painfully as he walked towards the bed, memories of Leo comforting him after a nightmare flowed through his mind.

Kneeling down beside the bed, he curled his upper half on the bed, crying in his arms as he wished his older brother would come  home.

Please Leo…I promise….we’ll be good…I’ll be good. Just come home… I miss you so much…

He didn’t know how long he was there for before he finally fell asleep, half on the bed, exhausted. He trembled in his sleep, soft murmurs of ‘Leo’ and ‘come home’ left his slumbering mouth.

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Don was walking to the kitchen for another cup of coffee when he saw Leo’s lamp was on in his room, and his heart raced excitedly, Was Leo home!? He thought as he hurried to the room, placing his coffee mug on a nearby table on his way.

He gently pushed the door open, hoping to see his elder brother, but the greeting fell short from his mouth as he pushed the door open.

His heart felt like it suddenly burst with another bout of cutting sadness as he saw his little brother had fallen asleep on Leo’s bed.

Oh Mikey….

Don sighed, walking gently over to Mikey’s slumbering form when he saw the tear tracks that dried on Mikey’s cheeks. Oh Mike….I know you miss him… but we’re here too…

Don sighed, feeling inadequate and upset. Mikey rarely went to him after a nightmare, nor did he ever really go in depth with his emotions at the time. Mikey lately, seem to look more depressed as he walked around the lair.

“Com’n Mikey, let’s get you to bed,” he said softly as he nudged Mikey’s shoulder with his right hand.

Mikey shifted, a murmured, “Leo?” left his mouth as he blinked awake, and his eyes that had suddenly shone with brightness, faded into sadness when his brain registered that he was seeing Donnie, and not Leo.

“Sorry Donnie….” He said, pulling himself to his feet, a blush rising to his cheeks, “I…I must have sleep walked or something.”

Don sighed, feeling another pang of hurt as it felt like Mikey was rejecting him, “It’s okay Mikey….com’n, lets get you to bed,” he said with a strained smile, “I know I’m not Leo Mikey, but I’m here too. You can come to me too.”

Mikey looked at him, looking ashamed and guilt shone in his eyes as he turned his face away, one hand angrily swiping away the tears on his face. “I know Donnie,” he said turning back, shifting on each leg as he stared at Don.

“Why don’t you?” Donnie finally asked, hurt tinged in his voice as he sat down on Leo’s bed, looking up at him.

“I…I know you are here. I know that in my heart…that you can help me, but… when a nightmare comes… and it’s about Leo… no one can help me until Leo comes home,” Mikey said, sitting beside Don with a sigh.

“But why?” Don asked again.

Mikey shrugged depressingly, before saying, “Because Leo keeps dying in my dreams Donnie… and as much as my heart says he’s still alive and how much my heart aches that I can’t see him, it hurts…”

Donnie heart the wobbling tone in Mikey’s voice, signaling that he was about to cry, and gently pulled his baby brother into his arms, his right hand rubbing gently circles on his shell.

“I…I see him dying Donnie…and it won’t stop till he’s here. Till my mind and heart can agree, he’s safe, he’s alive…and it hurts so much…because he’s the only one who can stop these nightmares…” Mikey said, crying slightly as he curled up against Donnie, “Everyday it gets worse, this ache…it hurts Donnie…why does it hurt so much?”

Don felt his own ache for his elder brother throb painfully at the emotions and pain he heard in Mikey’s voice, “I don’t know. Leo’s absence has affected us all… but we’re here Mikey. How come you haven’t gone to any of us before?”

Mikey shifted upwards a bit, tilting his head towards Donnie’s face, a look of confusion on his face, “You told me never to come to you guys after a nightmare when I was 13….you told me that I had to grow up….only Leo let me still go to him.”

Don’s eyes shone confusion before understanding dawned in them as a long time memory resurfaced.

Don was exhausted as he slumped towards the dojo. He frowned, seeing Raph was in the same state and groaned, “This is getting out of hand. I’m too tired to practice today… did he go to you to?”

“Ya, tha’ little nutshell was cryin’ hard and everythin’ but I couldn’t calm ‘im down, so I sent ‘im to Leo,” Raph said bitterly.

“These nightmares need to stop. He can’t expect us to stay awake with him all night,” Don said, breaking off his sentence for yawning loudly as he slumped to the ground. He was tired and irritated and growing mad at the situation.

Mikey’s been having nightmares for the last 5 days, disturbing their sleep and making them worry. They all lost sleep but Mikey was loosing weight and he looked pale.

“Wha’ should we do?” Raph said, sitting beside Donnie, looking concerned, “Masta’ Splintah says he suffers from night terrors..”

“He’s 13 Raph. He’s old enough to stop them if he actually tried!” Don said angrily.

When Splinter came in, he spoke gently, “Practice is over for the day. Michelangelo is confined to his bed to get some rest. Please focus on your school work and other projects,” and he turned and left.

Donnie growled angrily, bitter and pissed, and wanting to scream at Mikey.

“We gotta do work while Mike gets to sit in his bed!?” Raph said indignant.

“I guess so….but not for long. I am getting sleep tonight and he’s not going to bug me this time!” he said as he got up to his feet, and stormed out of the room.

It was rare for Don to get mad, even rarer to see him pissed off. He heard Raph agreeing with him behind him, but he was set on a destination.

He pushed open Mikey’s door, seeing him covered in blankets and a warm and delicious smell of a homemade breakfast lay beside him on his bedside table.

‘How come we didn’t get any?’ Donnie thought angrily, and said loudly, “Mikey, I swear to God that if you have another nightmare or night terror and you come to my room, I swear we are done as friends and brothers! You are milking this for everything and it’s not fair!”

Mikey’s eyes were wide with fright, showing hurt and sadness, as he stared at them.

“B..but…” he croaked out, looking panicked.

Raph piped up, “Me too nutball! You’re 13 years old! Ya can take care of yourself. You ain’t a baby anymore! I’m sick of ya ruining my sleep by screamin’ ya head off! Ya ain’t allowed to come ta me no more!” he spat out angrily before leaving.

“Donnie…I…” Mikey stammered out, about to apologize, but Don was angry and sleep deprived and he snapped, “No, shut up Mikey! I’m exhausted, but here you are, lying in bed, homemade breakfast, excused from practice! You’re a baby and I’m tired of you disturbing me! You aren’t allowed in my room anymore!”

Donnie turned around, storming out, but didn’t see as Mikey’s face fell, tears rolling down his cheeks as he choked out, “Okay...I...I won't...both you again....”

“Oh…” Don said, suddenly understanding dawned on him. He even remembered that he hadn’t been bugged after that, neither has Raph.

“Wh…what did you do to stop your night terrors?” Don asked curiously, and a little wary as he glanced at his little brother.

Mikey’s voice was soft as he said, “I still have night terrors Donnie…I don’t know why they don’t stop…. But now even my nightmares are bad. I’m so tired.. and the one person who used to help me is gone.”

Don’s heart ached again, hurt tingeing it, as he said, “You can come to me still. While Leo is gone, you can come to me.”

Mikey eyes lit up with a haunting pain that seem to lighten somewhat, and Don realized it was from the rejection he felt years ago at his words. He was 13 too, but that didn’t excuse him for acting so mean.

“Thanks Donnie,” Mikey whispered tiredly, a yawn escaping him.

Don chuckled, “Come, it’s time for little turtles to get some sleep,” and he helped Mikey up, making sure he didn’t stumble as they shuffled out of Leo’s room.

Together, they headed for Mikey’s room, and Don frowned as he saw it was actually tidy in his room. You can see the floor clearly and everything. His mouth moved before his brain stopped the words, “You cleaned your room?”

Mikey stilled, before nodding his head as he stumbled to bed, “I…I thought I lost something….I just haven’t found it yet,” he explained, tiredly, “Thanks Donnie, you helped a lot.”

Don smiled, seeing the genuine gratitude in Mikey’s eyes, and beamed a little inside. He had helped his little brother!

“Night Donnie,” Mikey said, curling up into his bed, his blanket tossed over him.

“Night Mikey, remember, my door is open to you and I’m here,” he said.

Mikey nodded sleepily, a small smile on his face.

As Donnie closed the door, he placed his forehead against the grain of the wooden door, and sighed deeply. Not only did I screw up when we were kids….I had no idea I’m screwing up so badly now. Why can’t I do this right!?

Leo….we need you…can’t you feel we miss you… how our hearts ache painfully with each thought of you not being here….

He sighed as he heard Mikey softly crying inside his room, and contemplating going in there to investigate, but sighed as he stepped away.

Mikey needs Leo….not me….

He walked back to his computer and started typing a long letter to his brother, and printed it out. He would mail it off that morning, but basically it explained everything, and hopefully….

Just hopefully,

Leo might return home soon…